I puked a lego.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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