I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
NoShamevember. You game?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The struggles of a small town man whore
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
