Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
