He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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