Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
