it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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