also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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