dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
