I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
