Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
