I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
