So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
