oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
