It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
