The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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