Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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