Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
