I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
