Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
