I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
