I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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