I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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