Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I cut my penus on the lid.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
