I wish they made helmets for livers.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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