I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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