Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
