i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
