is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
