how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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