I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
