You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
