I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
