I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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