Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
