Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
