I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
