Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
