I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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