you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
