ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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