Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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