I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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