We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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