Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
