woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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