You made me cry and you don't even care
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
