So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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