Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
