My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
