Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
North Korea, Best Korea!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
