This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
