But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
