You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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