i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
