; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
