I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
